Here you flirt by lingering. The poem keeps finding excuses to touch the same moment again—that night—each return softer, closer, more charged. I love how intimacy here isn’t rushed; it’s built through timing, breath, shared rhythm, the quiet confidence of bodies moving together while the world politely fades. The universe imagery feels less grandiose and more personal, like the stars exist only to witness the way your attention rests on the other person. And that ending—losing the stars, losing the light—lands like a slow smile that realizes it’s also a goodbye. If this is memory seducing the present, it knows exactly what it’s doing.
“Flirt by lingering” is such a precise way of putting it; it captures the restraint and the risk in returning to the same moment without trying to conquer it.
I love how you describe intimacy here as something built through timing rather than intensity. That quiet confidence you mention — bodies trusting the rhythm instead of pushing it — was very much what I was listening for as I wrote.
And your reading of the universe imagery as something personal rather than grand feels exactly right: not stars as spectacle, but as witnesses.
That last line you wrote — a slow smile that realises it’s also a goodbye — is going to stay with me.
Thank you for meeting the piece with such warmth and attentiveness, and for allowing a little flirting too 💛
I appreciate how you named restraint as intention rather than hesitation — that distinction feels essential to how the piece breathes. Your emphasis on rhythm doing the work instead of force clarifies something I was circling while reading, but hadn’t articulated as cleanly. And the idea of the universe “returning the favor” lands for me as reciprocity between writer and reader, which feels like the highest compliment. Thank you for engaging the poem with such care and precision.
This moment of peace, & the peace it gave me, transferred into shock that so many years had gone by in the end! A mesmerizing tale worthy of reminiscence!
The poem feels like someone replaying a night that was both beautiful and already slipping through their fingers. The way the speaker keeps returning to the idea of seeing “the universe” in the other’s eyes gives the whole memory this huge, glowing quality, as if the moment briefly expanded the world around them. You can almost feel the warmth of the dance, the timing they fall into without trying, the way the room seems to soften just for them. There’s something tender in the way touch, breath, and movement become their own language. But underneath all that light, there’s a quiet ache the sense that even while they were holding each other, something was fading. By the end, the stars they once saw so clearly are gone, and the universe they thought they found has dimmed. It reads like someone remembering a night they’ll never forget, even though it didn’t last.
Wow Adrião, that’s such a good reading. Thank you!
You’ve articulated the tension I was circling all the way through: the sense that the night is luminous because it’s already beginning to slip.
I’m especially struck by how you describe the world briefly expanding around them, as if warmth, timing, and touch form their own temporary language.
That idea of falling into rhythm without trying was very present while I was writing, and you’ve named it more clearly than I could without breaking the spell.
And yes — the ache underneath matters.
The fading isn’t something that arrives at the end; it’s already there, quietly, even while they’re holding each other.
I’m really grateful you stayed with that complexity and reflected it back so precisely.
Sometimes the nights just pass like that don't they Asuka. Time drifts, the music plays on, dancing still happening. I love the phrase and might borrow it - quiet hands and borrowed stars - a beautiful reflection.
Mark, what makes this piece quietly unsettling isn’t the romance or the imagery...it’s how attention becomes the true love story. The universe appears not because of stars or moonlight, but because two people are fully present, so synchronized that rooms, time, and even crowds learn their rhythm. And when that attention slips, the universe doesn’t just fade from the eyes...it collapses entirely, leaving silence where meaning once lived.
You’ve named something I was trying very hard not to name while writing it Dawnithic, and I really appreciate how you've seen it so well.
The idea that the universe only appears when attention is fully shared feels exactly right to me. Not as something cosmic or romantic in itself, but as a side-effect of alignment — when nothing is rushing ahead or lagging behind. Rooms learning rhythm is such a generous way of putting it.
And yes, when that attention slips, it isn’t drama that arrives, it’s collapse. Not fireworks — just absence. Silence doing what silence always does when meaning no longer has anywhere to rest.
I’m really grateful you met the piece at that level. It truly means a lot.
Mark, I’m glad you connected with my commentary. I didn’t mean to name it so much as to notice it...to point to the place where the poem was already working quietly. The alignment was already present in the writing; I simply followed it until it became visible to me. Thank you for trusting the reader enough to leave that space open. I truly appreciate your encouragement as well. Thank you.
This poem is breathtaking Mark. I love how you capture both the intimacy and the vastness of the moment. The way you weave together time, space, and emotion makes the night feel endless and alive. Althouh, at the end, there is a loss??
Beautifully melancholic ❤️💕
Thank you Andrea 😊
Mark, my friend! You surprise me again and again!
Here you flirt by lingering. The poem keeps finding excuses to touch the same moment again—that night—each return softer, closer, more charged. I love how intimacy here isn’t rushed; it’s built through timing, breath, shared rhythm, the quiet confidence of bodies moving together while the world politely fades. The universe imagery feels less grandiose and more personal, like the stars exist only to witness the way your attention rests on the other person. And that ending—losing the stars, losing the light—lands like a slow smile that realizes it’s also a goodbye. If this is memory seducing the present, it knows exactly what it’s doing.
“Flirt by lingering” is such a precise way of putting it; it captures the restraint and the risk in returning to the same moment without trying to conquer it.
I love how you describe intimacy here as something built through timing rather than intensity. That quiet confidence you mention — bodies trusting the rhythm instead of pushing it — was very much what I was listening for as I wrote.
And your reading of the universe imagery as something personal rather than grand feels exactly right: not stars as spectacle, but as witnesses.
That last line you wrote — a slow smile that realises it’s also a goodbye — is going to stay with me.
Thank you for meeting the piece with such warmth and attentiveness, and for allowing a little flirting too 💛
I appreciate how you named restraint as intention rather than hesitation — that distinction feels essential to how the piece breathes. Your emphasis on rhythm doing the work instead of force clarifies something I was circling while reading, but hadn’t articulated as cleanly. And the idea of the universe “returning the favor” lands for me as reciprocity between writer and reader, which feels like the highest compliment. Thank you for engaging the poem with such care and precision.
And now I'll find myself blushing again for the second time in the last half hour, and for that pleasure, I thank you kindly Dipti 🫶 🫶 🫶
Love this Mark - I feel the love and intensity in that gaze
That’s beautifully put @Vianne Armour. I’m so pleased that intensity came through in the piece 😊
Thank you!
This moment of peace, & the peace it gave me, transferred into shock that so many years had gone by in the end! A mesmerizing tale worthy of reminiscence!
Thank you Miles!
A perfect reflection on the journey and so pleased the end landed well. Maybe not the happiest but memorable.
It was all it needed to be! Always a yummy tavern of thought to stop by in my travels haha
😄
The poem feels like someone replaying a night that was both beautiful and already slipping through their fingers. The way the speaker keeps returning to the idea of seeing “the universe” in the other’s eyes gives the whole memory this huge, glowing quality, as if the moment briefly expanded the world around them. You can almost feel the warmth of the dance, the timing they fall into without trying, the way the room seems to soften just for them. There’s something tender in the way touch, breath, and movement become their own language. But underneath all that light, there’s a quiet ache the sense that even while they were holding each other, something was fading. By the end, the stars they once saw so clearly are gone, and the universe they thought they found has dimmed. It reads like someone remembering a night they’ll never forget, even though it didn’t last.
Wow Adrião, that’s such a good reading. Thank you!
You’ve articulated the tension I was circling all the way through: the sense that the night is luminous because it’s already beginning to slip.
I’m especially struck by how you describe the world briefly expanding around them, as if warmth, timing, and touch form their own temporary language.
That idea of falling into rhythm without trying was very present while I was writing, and you’ve named it more clearly than I could without breaking the spell.
And yes — the ache underneath matters.
The fading isn’t something that arrives at the end; it’s already there, quietly, even while they’re holding each other.
I’m really grateful you stayed with that complexity and reflected it back so precisely.
Funny how the night keeps dancing even after everyone leaves. Quiet hands, borrowed stars, and a goodbye that walks beside you for a while.
Sometimes the nights just pass like that don't they Asuka. Time drifts, the music plays on, dancing still happening. I love the phrase and might borrow it - quiet hands and borrowed stars - a beautiful reflection.
Thank you 💛
So beautiful. I love the way you move from one night to years ✨
So pleased you loved it Jessie.
Thank you 😊
Mark, what makes this piece quietly unsettling isn’t the romance or the imagery...it’s how attention becomes the true love story. The universe appears not because of stars or moonlight, but because two people are fully present, so synchronized that rooms, time, and even crowds learn their rhythm. And when that attention slips, the universe doesn’t just fade from the eyes...it collapses entirely, leaving silence where meaning once lived.
You’ve named something I was trying very hard not to name while writing it Dawnithic, and I really appreciate how you've seen it so well.
The idea that the universe only appears when attention is fully shared feels exactly right to me. Not as something cosmic or romantic in itself, but as a side-effect of alignment — when nothing is rushing ahead or lagging behind. Rooms learning rhythm is such a generous way of putting it.
And yes, when that attention slips, it isn’t drama that arrives, it’s collapse. Not fireworks — just absence. Silence doing what silence always does when meaning no longer has anywhere to rest.
I’m really grateful you met the piece at that level. It truly means a lot.
Mark, I’m glad you connected with my commentary. I didn’t mean to name it so much as to notice it...to point to the place where the poem was already working quietly. The alignment was already present in the writing; I simply followed it until it became visible to me. Thank you for trusting the reader enough to leave that space open. I truly appreciate your encouragement as well. Thank you.
And you did it perfectly 💛 🫶 💛
I loved this very, very much.
Thank you Stabilise! 🤗
There’s something very fleeting about this poem, a grasping for something unattainable but cherished in the moment. It all flows so beautifully.
Thank you for such a lovely reflection Susan.
I am so pleased that the fleeting feeling came through as a feeling in the poem.
Wonderful rhythm and repetition that allows the reader to dance and wander into the expansion created within the poem.
Contrast with intimacy and expansion
Beautiful work
Thank you Gub!
Really pleased you found that dancing feeling with piece.
This is haunting! Thank you, Mark!
Thank you so much Mahmoud! 🫶
This touched me. Thank you for this. 🫶
Thank you Veronica.
So pleased it you liked it 💛
This poem is breathtaking Mark. I love how you capture both the intimacy and the vastness of the moment. The way you weave together time, space, and emotion makes the night feel endless and alive. Althouh, at the end, there is a loss??
That's such a wonderful reflection Be ✨️ 💛 ✨️
You've felt just the thread I was gently following, between intimacy, and space and time.
And the ending I will leave open for interpretation ❤️
Leaving it open-ended is probably the best thing to do, wonderful. ❤️✨
💛 💛 💛